Sacramento’s heritage celebration, Gold Rush Days, takes place every Labor Day weekend. That’s right, four days of the sweet smell of road apples and dust. All 28-acres of our historic River City, was painted in dirt. Wooden sidewalks were crowded with city slickers, unrestrained whippersnappers and them-thar evil contraptions ya’ll call strollers.
Dirt lined streets were filled with gunfights, ladies of the boulevard, horse drawn carriages and stage coaches, US Soldiers, medicine men selling life-saving elixir’s and Mormon’s! That’s right, I said Mormons. The courageous Mormon Battalion and their families were at hand. Ever ready to defend and support America’s honor at any given notice. I was there too, in my candy-apple red cowboy boots! Along with hundreds of wannabe sidewalk cowboys and cowgirls! I mean really, just because ya’ll purchase a calico bonnet at The Old School House or wear a cowboy hat does not a wrangler make.
I know this because I single-handedly saved the day! Well, nearly single-handedly. Okay, there were others who participated, but it was MY idea! Ya’ll see, what began as a simple cattle drive through town, roping and barrel racing event soon turned into an all-fired cattle stampede! A few innocent gun shots and BAM! Those spooked cows were off and running wild! Cowpokes jumped in their saddles, mommas rounded up their babies, women with feathers ran for shelter, and me, I just stood my ground.
You see, thar was nothing to be fearin’ cuz in California we have “happy cows”. I knew this, so I just moseyed on over to the next block, takin’ a short cut thru Firehouse Alley and headed them thar cows off at the Wells Fargo. I jumped in front of those crazy cows and began to serenade them with my best cowgirl poetry.
You hafta know, by now, a sizable crowd had gathered ‘round to watch. The sound of my voice slowed down those thousand pound milkshake machines and I was able to run into that pack and give a little push with my candy apple red Laredo’s and tip over those happy cows right over. Others, seeing the fun I was having, began to join in. Soon, all ‘em stampeedin’ cows were resting quietly on their sides.
**no mam’ no cows were ever harmed in the retelling of this here story.**
It was Thursday morning and I was in my kitchen slaving over a batch of peach cupcakes. I hoped this time I would not mess up like my last batch of cupcakes ((chills)). No prob, all was going great!! I was mixing and cutting. The best part was it smelled delish!!! I was eating peach batter and couldn’t wait for them to be done so I could just eat them all!! Finally it was time to frost. Not only did the peach cupcakes look good but the peach frosting was to die for!! J Task completed, I put them in the freezer so they would stay yummi and hidden from the members of this house.
It’s Friday morning and my peach cupcakes are still there!!! I plop into the car; sleepiness still attached to me. A peach cupcake tower full of heaven is sitting on my lap! I just want to scoop a finger full of peach frosting and eat it; oh no, I just want to lick all of the peach frosting off the peach cupcake! All is going great and I am almost to class when a mean driver cuts in front of our car and my mom, she slams on her breaks and peach cupcakes go flying! You guessed it right into my lap!!! And the only thing out of my mouth was “I CAN’T GET PEACH FROSTING OUT OF CASHMERE!!!” I am sooo upset words couldn’t describe! I gently placed each peach cupcake back into the tower and made the peach frosting look presentable. I grab a handy-dandy-baby-wipe (I don’t leave home without some!) from the back of the car trying to clean myself off. I walk into class. The peach cupcakes were a success! This was not a kitchen failure. J (dark memories of spinach & blueberries still haunt me!)
**no peach cupcakes were harmed in the making of this story nor was a cashmere sweater.**
My mind was spinning, complete with 3-D Technicolor and surround sound as I lay in bed last night pondering what came first the chicken or the egg?? Then it hit me like a flying disk!! IT HAD TO BE THE FEATHER!! I started to wonder about things with feathers and my thoughts jumped to Monty Python and the Holy Grail … “In order to maintain air-speed velocity, a swallow needs to beat its wings forty-three times every second, right? But what if that swallow is carrying a coconut?” Then I thought about where the saying “Horse Feathers” came from.This of course, led me to think about the Pegasus and Unicorns. Naturally, the next image that popped into my mind was Flying Pigs!It was then my smell-a-vision kicked it, BACON!! A natural place for my brain to stop short at, after all, I am self-acclaimed meat-etarian. There was my answer, Eggs. Eggs came first. Eggs and Bacon and Bacon and Eggs! The rest is just horse feathers.